Goodbye madiown.com
- Ceyda Güzelsevdi
- May 15, 2022
- 4 min read
Dear Reader,
I would like to take a moment to share some news with you.
The thing is, we will be saying goodbye to madiown.com; because when it all started all of it felt like pure madness, now I have about 200 pieces posted here and truly, I can't believe how fast it all happened.
When it started we were in black, the fire was everywhere as if I needed a proof to embody myself in something I now, really, know that I have always been. Fire has always been inside me, the Wildfire I would call it. Remember the Writer with Wildfire?
Once upon a time, I needed adjectives to tell the world, actually myself who I was. It's not possible for me to describe how far I've made it via sharing these pieces, enigmatic crosswords, of my mind with you.
I know that for some of you, this place has actually been a place to just take that break, to let go, set yourself at ease.. and that makes me proud of the river I've created here. Maybe you've found your own ocean here.. or maybe something entirely different or something that you were always looking for.
I guess this piece for me will be like a page in my diary, or the beginning of a new chapter.
When I started, sharing the lava inside, even the slightest thought of it freaked me out, nope the word is not scared, afraid, or terrified. Another human being reading these and actually having an inside vision through me.. freaked me out.
I did it anyway.
It felt right.
And I knew it would touch plurima minds.
However, along the way I've found so many facets to me I wasn't aware existed. I found out I had a type of synaesthesia, lexical gustatory; meaning, I smell and taste words and music, sometimes colors. The order of words, phonemes, morphemes, commas... they have different flavors. And it's like tasting my own mind.
Scientifically, the studies suggest it is related with memory and this would explain the fact that from "ly" sound, I get the flavor of a syrup I hated and had to drink it when I was a child, just when I wrote this, I felt nauseous. So that's how it's like.
Nowadays, looking at bright colors feels like licking an ice cream. And even the coldness level of the ice cream is there. I feel it, and yes, life certainly is interesting for me.
However, I love my fear. 2 or 3 years ago, I wouldn't have had that "thingy feeling" to share it with you. Now, it feels purely right. And the word "purely" tastes something like cloud-ish vanilla. I like it :)
Here, @ madiown.com, I've created a home that I always dreamed of. Whenever I come here, words just flow out of my mind, such seamlessly connected that I am thinking as I write these. Like how in spinning class, I can't see that reddish yelow when I am aware of I'm on the bicycle and bicycle is a machine outside my body.
When I let that fact dissolve into thin air, I feel the bicycle is an extension of my own body and I see that reddish yellow all the time. This is how strong our minds are. Ever since I've started madiown.com, a few breakthroughs for me were:
I created a virtual gallery, self-modelled for me and developed myself in photography
I started finger painting because no other means of paint gave me the intrinsic, seamless feeling that finger paint did, marbling didn't make it for me for this reason
I collaborated with a producer, and even if I'm not happy with the results now, I acknowledge it as a beginning of my vocal, and experimental, projects
I established myself as a freelance writer and ended up hosting a series introducing professionals from all over the world
I had an opportunity to exhibit my poetry in a virtual exhibition more than once
I've self-published my first poetry book Galaxy of the Faces with my own graphics and it landed on #30 in Women's Poetry on Amazon in its first day
I have people sending a message from all over the world about how they feel @ madiown.com
I started and dropped writing 2-3 novels, the characters apparently need to achieve more growth as they keep breathing inside me, they are not ready to diverge significantly. Yet.
I've learned that sometimes to be able to trust the right expertise, you have to rely on the wrongs because you will find that the right has always been and is no one but you.
More importantly, I've remembered how I always spoke my mind beyond borders and obstacles.
And most importantly, I've learned to acknowledge my self-worth, meanwhile coming to realize the major reasons behind my failure.
Unbelievably, I have no regrets.
If you've witnessed some of my mistakes, I feel proud, not ashamed or uncomfortable of it. And if it's not obvious already, I am neurologically unable to build surface-level-connections. I feel a root-like network inside me, my mind, stretching out to embrace the entire universe.
Long story short, we are saying goodbye to our domain. Probably it will be under cguzelsevdi.wixsite.com until the time a new name feels right.
Complex conjugate of morpholingogenesis != madiown.com
I don't know what is just yet, but we will see together. To not lose the page, I suggest either subscribing to the site to receive notifications when there is a new post, or directly sending a message to me.
You know who I am, and you'll know where to find me.
Until that day,
Take care
Thank you so much for journing with me.
Sincerely,
Ceyda.
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